There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do vagina's smell?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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