Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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