She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
