This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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