woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
