I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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