So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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