Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
