Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
