Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
