Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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