just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
