Jerry, you need to find god
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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