Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
