I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
