I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
