Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
