Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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