i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
