Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize