i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
