im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
