Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
