she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
