Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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