so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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