Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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