Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
