I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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