True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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