she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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