If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
