she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
