the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
