Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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