I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
