you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
