Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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