Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
