are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
