peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
