I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
