Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
