And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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