i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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