I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
