woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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