All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
