i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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