I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We need to get me chipped asap
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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