It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
