Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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