She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
