Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
