i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
