dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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