Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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