we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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