Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want her autograph on my taint
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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