Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
