This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
