How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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