You're my little dorito
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
