And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
