If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
