So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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