We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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