when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is my gift to your gina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
