Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
